Newsletter for May 10, 2024

It’s the Friday before Mother’s Day — does this bring up emotions for you? 

For me it totally does. My mother passed away 3 years ago and when she was alive it was hard. Why? Because we always had a strained relationship. I would venture to the card store and none of the sappy cards I felt were relevant to me and my mom. I never wanted to send something that wasn’t sincere. I wanted to send something to the effect that yes, I was happy that she gave birth to me and taught me manners and how to present myself, and how to act in any situation but I never felt like I could talk to her and know that she really loved me and wanted the best for me. As I write this it is making me sad. I always wanted those relationships with my Mom that they have portrayed in the movies. I wanted a Mom that loved me and never judged me but in reality that was not our relationship. 

Now that she is gone I have so much more of an appreciation for her. I miss her. 

Today I realize that she was the best Mom she could be for me. She gave me her best and me wishing and hoping that things were different is a waste of time and energy. 

One of the main takeaways from my visit to Medjugorje was that the Blessed Mother is there for me and all other humans living on Earth. She brings me joy and contentment. Since starting the rosary as one of my daily practices I have felt peace like never before. I don’t need to focus on the past; it is behind me. I can look back and learn but I cannot stare and wish for things to have been different. Emotions and feelings about a relationship that wasn’t what I ideally wanted does not bring me peace today, it makes me sad and frustrated. It was what it was….

Can you relate to this? 

Today being a Mom with a child that doesn’t speak to me is hard! I miss my child/adult everyday of my life. He hasn’t left my heart and strangely enough I am not mad. I am hurt. We are missing precious time that I know we are never going to get back. I respect him and his wishes and I ask in prayer that he can find forgiveness in his heart. 

When I think back to my relationship with my Mother I wish that I could have been more forgiving. I wish that I had taken my Mother as she was, not how I wanted her to be. 

We all put a lot of pressure on our loved ones — we want them to be how we want them to be! I hold them on a different level. In my heart I put them on a level that they should be and act a certain way instead of looking at them as human beings doing the best that they can. 

In all of my readings of late, which have been about the Blessed Mother, she talks about not judging others. I have spent years, decades judging others! It doesn't feel good! I know that it is wrong in my heart but I continue to label people as bad or good, when I should look at them as being who they are! Perfect! Each of us gets up in the morning and I think (maybe idyllically) that we all try and do our very best. We don’t wake up thinking who can hurt today! We need to have more compassion. 

As I mentioned my Mom is not here on Earth anymore and I miss her and I think it would be great if what I knew now I knew then. 

That is life, we learn, we reflect, we want to be better! We want to learn and search in our hearts how we can find peace and serenity. 

After I have searched and searched I have finally found my answer in God and the Blessed Mother. They help me find peace…I love today. I take time to listen to my heart. 

When I was in my active alcoholism I used alcohol to quell the pain and in the beginning of my recovery I put up a wall around my heart. I didn't want to let anyone in for fear of being hurt. After many relationships where I did let my wall down I was hurt countless times by others that I trusted but I can’t stay in a place where I stay closed. I can’t continue to work from a place of being on the defensive. I have to open…I have to be willing, I have to change. 

I know that I am on a new path and that I am open and that I want things to be different. I want to be different. With that being said, it takes work! I don’t mean hard manual labor work, I mean I have to get quiet, pray, breathe, trust. Open my heart.. And some days that is harder than others. 

My message to you all reading this is that I pray you find trust, know that you are not alone. Life is not a dress rehearsal, we are not going to be here forever, life isn't always going to be how it is today. Take the time to pray, get quiet, listen to what your insides are telling you! Not the negative but the positive. You Get to have this, you get to experience, You get to feel! Feelings aren’t facts, they are momentary reactions. Be kind to you and the ones around you. If you are feeling uncomfortable identify where that feeling is coming from and change it. 

If your Mom isn’t here anymore, if you have a strained relationship with your Mother or your child, if you are longing to be a Mom and you are not looking forward to Sunday May 12th, remember that it is just a day. Maybe use the day to reflect on the good times, the happy memories and know in your heart that next year it may be a completely different day for you! Have hope…

To all of the Moms out there, I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day! And to the women that aren’t Moms, have an amazing Sunday. 

Sundays are a day of rest so take care of yourself and your heart. Smile at someone, hold the door for someone, do something that will make another person happy. Joy is such a wonderful feeling and giving to others brings me the most joy. I remember when my children were young and I wanted things and feelings that I could control, if I could go back I would just let go and enjoy the moments. 

Have a wonderful weekend, enjoy life and the simple things because in the end it is the simple things that make us the most happy! 

Take care and until next week, keep getting busy living sober. 

Sending big hugs and love to you all. 

XO 

Elizabeth aka Bizzy