Newsletter for May 17, 2024

Why me?

Do you ever think that? 

Why is this happening to me? Why do I have this horrible problem? Why am I experiencing this? Why, why, why? 

I have had this feeling countless times in my life. Why was I born to this family? Why isn’t my son talking to me? Why are some of my children having to face the problems that they are facing? 

Today for the first time I had an explanation! One that actually made sense. 

We all have to endure life and its challenges because we learn from them, and they prepare us for things that may happen in the future. 

Remember that saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” 

I believe that today. 

Can life be hard and challenging? Yes! There is no question it is hard at times. But, if we didn’t have the challenges we wouldn’t know what peace and serenity were. 

Today I was listening to the Hallow app and the story of the Blessed Mother Mary. Mary was a regular girl but, it now is believed, and maybe was alway believed, that Mary was put on this Earth and born to her mother by the Divine. She didn’t always have it easy, can you imagine becoming pregnant after never having sex! That would be unfathomable. One would be questioning like crazy but she was! Mary was pregnant and gave birth to Jesus. I am sure she thought to herself, why me! Why was I chosen???

We all go through things that challenge us and make us think why me…. 

I believe that we all brave things that we question but if we can think to ourselves that there is a reason and we might not know right now the reason why we can trust that it is part of our Father’s divine plan. 

We all get to make choices and have free will. It is our decisions that lead us to where we presently are in our lives. Some decisions in the moments we think are the best idea and soon later find out we were wrong. But, we don’t have to question. We just have to trust that we are where we are for a reason. It is time to take this opportunity to grow and change. We can’t let it kill us. 

Drugs and alcohol made my life bearable. It made the why so much easier in the moments. I could live! I could go on. In a way alcohol saved me, but it also stole from me. It stole my heart and my soul. I was in so much pain, I needed something to quell that pain and alcohol did the trick till it didn’t anymore. When I put down that last drink in August of 2006 I had to face the why and figure out a new way to cope. I went to 12 Step meetings and talked…I let things that had been built up inside go…I found my person that listened and didn’t judge me. I could be honest! 

We all get to be honest today and say yes, this isn’t fair and this is really uncomfortable but I can endure. I can go on. In fact, we get to look at the why and say why not me? I get to feel these feelings and be challenged because this challenge is going to make me stronger, wiser and able to actually help others that may go through the same experience. 

Listening this morning to The Blessed Mother’s story but also Mary Magdalene's story, I felt a real peace. They both were challenged and they came out the wiser and examples for us today to be able to relate and know in our hearts that we can and will get through anything.

As I am writing this, I see my rosary, and think back to just 2 months ago and the thought that I would ever be saying the rosary daily would be absolutley ludicrous! I hadn’t practiced Catholicism in decades and now I couldn’t imagine not doing it. It is like brushing my teeth! I have to do it because it fills me and my heart. It gives me the sense that I am doing something to better things, not just for me but for my family and the world. 

We are living in challenging times but I believe from the bottom of my heart that there is a reason. We are all going to be able to look back and say we got through it! It was hard but we did it and we learned. 

Life is so interesting and amazing! 

If life were always easy and we all just sat around and ate bon-bons it surely would be boring and uneventful! Some days I wish my life was uneventful but then I wouldn’t have the courage or knowledge to share from my heart. 

I want everyone to know that they aren’t alone. We all question and ask why; we all have something to handle and some things are easier to handle than others but you have to know that you are never alone and maybe even have some faith to know that this is making you stronger! 

You are amazing and you get to experience it! 

I hope you have a stupendous weekend! 

Have a happy, happy life and keep getting busy living sober. 

XO 

Elizabeth aka Bizzy 

Newsletter for May 10, 2024

It’s the Friday before Mother’s Day — does this bring up emotions for you? 

For me it totally does. My mother passed away 3 years ago and when she was alive it was hard. Why? Because we always had a strained relationship. I would venture to the card store and none of the sappy cards I felt were relevant to me and my mom. I never wanted to send something that wasn’t sincere. I wanted to send something to the effect that yes, I was happy that she gave birth to me and taught me manners and how to present myself, and how to act in any situation but I never felt like I could talk to her and know that she really loved me and wanted the best for me. As I write this it is making me sad. I always wanted those relationships with my Mom that they have portrayed in the movies. I wanted a Mom that loved me and never judged me but in reality that was not our relationship. 

Now that she is gone I have so much more of an appreciation for her. I miss her. 

Today I realize that she was the best Mom she could be for me. She gave me her best and me wishing and hoping that things were different is a waste of time and energy. 

One of the main takeaways from my visit to Medjugorje was that the Blessed Mother is there for me and all other humans living on Earth. She brings me joy and contentment. Since starting the rosary as one of my daily practices I have felt peace like never before. I don’t need to focus on the past; it is behind me. I can look back and learn but I cannot stare and wish for things to have been different. Emotions and feelings about a relationship that wasn’t what I ideally wanted does not bring me peace today, it makes me sad and frustrated. It was what it was….

Can you relate to this? 

Today being a Mom with a child that doesn’t speak to me is hard! I miss my child/adult everyday of my life. He hasn’t left my heart and strangely enough I am not mad. I am hurt. We are missing precious time that I know we are never going to get back. I respect him and his wishes and I ask in prayer that he can find forgiveness in his heart. 

When I think back to my relationship with my Mother I wish that I could have been more forgiving. I wish that I had taken my Mother as she was, not how I wanted her to be. 

We all put a lot of pressure on our loved ones — we want them to be how we want them to be! I hold them on a different level. In my heart I put them on a level that they should be and act a certain way instead of looking at them as human beings doing the best that they can. 

In all of my readings of late, which have been about the Blessed Mother, she talks about not judging others. I have spent years, decades judging others! It doesn't feel good! I know that it is wrong in my heart but I continue to label people as bad or good, when I should look at them as being who they are! Perfect! Each of us gets up in the morning and I think (maybe idyllically) that we all try and do our very best. We don’t wake up thinking who can hurt today! We need to have more compassion. 

As I mentioned my Mom is not here on Earth anymore and I miss her and I think it would be great if what I knew now I knew then. 

That is life, we learn, we reflect, we want to be better! We want to learn and search in our hearts how we can find peace and serenity. 

After I have searched and searched I have finally found my answer in God and the Blessed Mother. They help me find peace…I love today. I take time to listen to my heart. 

When I was in my active alcoholism I used alcohol to quell the pain and in the beginning of my recovery I put up a wall around my heart. I didn't want to let anyone in for fear of being hurt. After many relationships where I did let my wall down I was hurt countless times by others that I trusted but I can’t stay in a place where I stay closed. I can’t continue to work from a place of being on the defensive. I have to open…I have to be willing, I have to change. 

I know that I am on a new path and that I am open and that I want things to be different. I want to be different. With that being said, it takes work! I don’t mean hard manual labor work, I mean I have to get quiet, pray, breathe, trust. Open my heart.. And some days that is harder than others. 

My message to you all reading this is that I pray you find trust, know that you are not alone. Life is not a dress rehearsal, we are not going to be here forever, life isn't always going to be how it is today. Take the time to pray, get quiet, listen to what your insides are telling you! Not the negative but the positive. You Get to have this, you get to experience, You get to feel! Feelings aren’t facts, they are momentary reactions. Be kind to you and the ones around you. If you are feeling uncomfortable identify where that feeling is coming from and change it. 

If your Mom isn’t here anymore, if you have a strained relationship with your Mother or your child, if you are longing to be a Mom and you are not looking forward to Sunday May 12th, remember that it is just a day. Maybe use the day to reflect on the good times, the happy memories and know in your heart that next year it may be a completely different day for you! Have hope…

To all of the Moms out there, I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day! And to the women that aren’t Moms, have an amazing Sunday. 

Sundays are a day of rest so take care of yourself and your heart. Smile at someone, hold the door for someone, do something that will make another person happy. Joy is such a wonderful feeling and giving to others brings me the most joy. I remember when my children were young and I wanted things and feelings that I could control, if I could go back I would just let go and enjoy the moments. 

Have a wonderful weekend, enjoy life and the simple things because in the end it is the simple things that make us the most happy! 

Take care and until next week, keep getting busy living sober. 

Sending big hugs and love to you all. 

XO 

Elizabeth aka Bizzy 

Newsletter #14

I’m back!!! 

Three weeks away and I feel like a new person. I had no real expectations on what my trip was going to be…because of that, I was open to new experiences and let my fears, apprehensions, and possibilities go…

I wanted a new encounter. 

Life is so precious and valuable and we all let things get into our way. Thoughts, fears and our egos. 

I hear from people all of the time that need help and want to change but are stuck! They can’t get past the thought of, “what is everyone going to think of me?”, “how am I going to be judged by my peers”? Do we ever think about how we are going to be judged at the end of our life? How are our family going to view us? 

My personal experiences in the past were that I put strangers' views and opinions of me above my own feelings. I put a need to be accepted by the “right people” above doing the right, kind and loving actions. Can you relate to that? It is in all of the movies, and television shows. What lengths are you going to go to feel Cool? To feel like you are worthy? Are you willing to change your appearance so that you can change to fit the mold that society is screaming for you to look like? Do you have your own opinion or is the opinion of your friend that is popular more important than what you know in your heart to be right? Do you take the time to listen to your heart? 

The only reason that I can talk about these things is because I have experienced these traits personally. 

I let others' views of me or I should say what I thought others felt (now I know no one is really thinking about me at all) surpass what I knew in my heart was right for me. Getting sober was one of those stages in my life that I put what I thought others would think of me not drinking above what I knew was right at my core. At the end of the day it was about me and no one else….

On my trip to Medjorgia I felt like I was being judged, but now I know it was me judging me! But in the moment it was easier to put it on other people. 

Medjorgia is a place like no other that I had experienced before going. It was as if I went back in time. God and the Blessed Mother were everywhere. People were there searching for that feeling that we are OK! That God is alive and so is the Blessed Mother. We were there to have a feeling that has fallen away from society. The feeling is that we are not alone. That there is something bigger than us, that life isn’t about what you're wearing, or who your friends are. It is about being loving, kind and accepting of what graces you have. We are all individuals with amazing gifts and traits that are special. We are special. We are loved even though it may seem at times that we aren’t. I can tell you that indeed we are perfect! The exact way God made us. 

I don’t want to come off as a holy zealot, but I went on this pilgrimage not knowing why I was there to know exactly the reason. I am on a path/journey to help others to know that they are not alone. You are loved and you too can change if you just open your heart. If you let life happen, embrace who you see in the mirror. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. 

In the past 17 years I have searched, and searched for answers. Took a yoga teacher training, went to Kabbalah classes and then some looking for answers to why? Why am I here? What am I doing? Searching for things outside of myself when all of the time everything was inside of me. I have been given so many gifts, most importantly my sobriety and my relationship with God. I am OK! And I am here to tell you that you are OK! 

It is OK to rest, relax, and listen to your heart. 

When we are running all of the time it is hard to hear. Noise is everywhere and I have learned that when I get quiet and let the noise go, put down my phone, stop looking at social media, stop watching the news I can hear peace. 

I have always been searching for peace and serenity and until now I thought it was something I had to buy. A course, a coach, a therapist and today I know that if I just take time in the morning and pray, meditate, listen to the birds, peace and serenity appear and give me the ability to spend my day living in grace rather than fear. 

I hope you have a wonderful weekend and week and know that you are never alone. You can always reach out to me if you need a friend just to listen. 

You got this, I promise. 

Have a happy happy 

Love, 

Elizabeth aka Bizzy 

Newsletter #13

Happy Spring! 

Happy Easter to all my listeners that celebrate. I absolutely love this time of year! When I was living in the Northeast or Midwest this time of year was all about daffodils popping their heads and trees sprouting new growth. 

Spring is a time of rebirth. Everything is green and colorful after a long winter. Even if the groundhog says Spring is early, when it arrives it is such a happy time. No more gray cold days. 

I am reflecting on what I built 7 years ago, Busy Living Sober. Who knew that I would have started a podcast? Now this was before the “podcast”was a household name. When the lovely people at Zero to Five (marketing firm) suggested that I start a podcast, I asked, “what is a podcast and how do I do that?”. Needless to say as of today I have published 430 podcasts and it has been a lot of fun~! But….

430 episodes in. I am pondering if this is what I really want to do moving forward? 

The problem is I have really made a go of this and put a lot of time and effort into this passion of mine and it is not a money maker. In fact, it is more of a money taker LOL! Nevertheless, it isn’t only about the money — it is the questioning that I do constantly that is driving me nutty! Every so often I think to myself, “is this what I want to do?”, “is this the best use of my time?” and more often it is, “God, what do you want me to be doing with my life and the gifts that you have given me?” Do you ever feel like this? Like, “God, what do you want me to do?” If you do please reach out to me and let me know so I don’t feel so crazy, elizabeth@elizabethchance.com. 

I heard years ago that if you don’t know what to do, do nothing. 

So I am heading to Europe early in April and I will be gone most of the month and I am giving myself this time to sit and reflect and let go. I will be praying and hoping to hear answers as to where and what I should be doing in the future. 

It is Elizabeth 5.0 and it is time for me to really make a decision on whether or not I am going to continue my work as a podcaster or if it is time for me to pivot and change directions and get into something new….

You will not be receiving a Newsletter in the month of April and I will not be putting out new podcasts of me solo while I am away. I will still have guests on Mondays and some old episodes will fill in on Wednesdays. 

I am leaving my computer at home and I will be using a pen and paper while I am away (the old-fashioned way) to reflect and journal all of my adventures in Croatia, Bosnia, and Italy. 

This trip is going to be filled with spirituality, self reflection, and fun! 

Look for a Newsletter the first Friday in May and until then I wish you all the very best. 

Remember that you are never alone and that life is an adventure. Take it one day at a time and some days seconds at a time. 

Have a happy, happy 

See you all in May 

XO 

Elizabeth aka Bizzy 

Newsletter #12

Stress! 

How many of you feel stress? 

Psychology Today Defines Stress as: 

Stress generally refers to two things: the psychological perception of pressure, on the one hand, and the body's response to it, on the other, which involves multiple systems, from metabolism to muscles to memory.

Some stress is necessary for all living systems; it is the means by which they encounter and respond to the challenges and uncertainties of existence. The perception of danger sets off an automatic response system, known as the fight-or-flight response, that, activated through hormonal signals, prepares an animal to meet a threat or to flee from it.

In today’s world we allow things, people, places and things to stress us out. 

We want things to be perfect, we compare ourselves to others and how others look on the outside and strive for something that may be unattainable for whatever reason. 

Wanting to feel perfect leads to feelings of inadequacy which in turn make us sick. Striving for something that is almost impossible to attain can result in hopelessness  and unless you have tools to fix those feelings you will reach out for a drink or a drug. In my opinion. You want those things because they calm you. 

It is a known fact that we are a very stressed out society, the powers at be like that we feel out of control and lacking. Those feelings are what make us want to buy things, fill our hole inside of ourselves with material items, alcohol and drugs. It wants us to be sick!

If we take time to just stop, breathe and really look at what is going on that is causing our stress we can calm down. We can look at things rationally and know that all that needs to be done will get done. 

Getting back to basics is what has always helped me. I remember thinking ok, are my kids safe? Are they fed? Are they nice loving little people? Are they clean? 

That is all that really matters. 

Perfection is unattainable and knowing that you are doing your best and showing up as your best self is all that really matters. All your family wants is love and security, all the other material stuff is great but it won't make you happy or fulfilled. 

Love your life….relax…breathe…settle down and if you can stay off of social media it will not help you on your path to feeling less stress, I promise you!  Social media promotes stress so stay away especially if you are looking for some serenity. 

Have a wonderful weekend and a 

Happy, Happy 

Love, 

Elizabeth aka Bizzy

Newsletter #11

Do you ever just give up, throw in the towel? Say, “forget it, I’m done”, or do you preserve and keep going? 

Life is a journey…not a destination. A quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson is so apropos. 

When I was young, when all big dreams started, I wanted to be the next Barbara Walters (for those that don’t know who she is — she was the number one woman journalist for decades) but I started drinking at 13 and those dreams went to the wayside. But, I have never said, I give up, that's it! I am never getting my dream, I am too old, too set in my ways, not smart enough and the list of why I should give up is long. But, because I now know that life is a journey and not a destination I can keep trying. 

We all have dreams, some big and some small but, everyone that is breathing has some remembrance of being young and dreaming of what they wanted to be…

Unfortunately there are people in our lives that steer us away from reaching those goals because of that person's fears and inadequacies. 

I understand that growing up and wanting to be a professional athlete or a movie star is hard and it doesn’t happen to too many people but, what if you could still make a career out of playing the sport just at a lower level or acting in just your local theater? Would that be bad? It may not make you millions, but at the end of the day, is it all about the money or the experience? 

I have been watching a show on Netflix and then reading a book where the common theme is that the person that wants to be rich is always the one that is sad, unfulfilled at the end of his or her life or becomes addicted to drugs, alcohol, or sex, or all three. They are not fulfilled but the person that is living their life doing something that they dreamed of is happy, fulfilled, and at peace. 

One may be happy everyday but it seems as an observer that the person that has goals of achieving success in what they love are better off. 

We all have dreams and goals. Don't let the almighty dollar stand in the way of your aspirations. 

My opinion is that if we give up on our dreams and reach for the dollar, tragic things happen like drug addiction and alcoholism or worse complete and utter depression and sadness. 

I have never given up even though it hasn’t been easy but whoever said life was easy lied to you! 

You have one life (as far as I know). Why wouldn’t you reach for your personal stars?

I’m cheering you on! Don’t ever, ever give up on your dreams no matter how old or young you are! 

Have a happy happy 

Love, 

Elizabeth, Bizzy

Newsletter #10

Happy Friday!!! 

I don’t know if you had a chance to listen to episode 424 [link to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw4uAjx9eho] this week where I talk about worrying, and God’s winks, but I have to say it resonated with a lot of people. Ironically — or maybe a God wink — I have heard from so many people today in one-on-one conversations that a lot of people are worried. Why is that? 

Another word people use for worry is anxiety. We are a society of anxious people. One of my guests on the show was Dr John Delony [link to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt_gatZ6ow0] who makes a living coaching people via his book and podcast about how to have a non-anxious life. And is that working? 

Tucker Carlson made a fascinating comment on his interview with Lex Friedman last week that “Our society is so sick. People are still picking up and using drugs knowing that they are laced with deadly doses of fentanyl”. And, he is right! 

There is a famous TedTalk and study about rats. I am going to abbreviate the story but here’s the gist. Rats that lived in solitary worlds used cocaine and drugs a lot more than rats that lived with other rats and that had fun things to do with the other rats. The drugs were available to the rats that had a bunch of friends but the rats didn’t want it! Why? Because the rats were happy and fulfilled in relationships with other rats. 

How different are we from rats? In this article from Dec. 4, 2023 Conversation.com https://theconversation.com/rats-are-more-human-than-you-think-and-they-certainly-like-being-around-us-216846 we are more similar than one would think. So what if we tried hanging out with one another more often? Is it too late? 

Has AI already taken hold of society as we used to know it? I think we are not at the place where we can’t change this, I am optimistic and I think we can change. We can spend more time together socially. 

Thinking back over my 55 years on this planet I can honestly say that I am so happy when I am spending time with other people. It is something instinctual that I feel when I am around others. That is why family has been such a place of joy over the centuries. 

We all have theories of why our governments, the powers that be, want to keep us apart. Some believe in conspiracy theories and I respect whatever you want to believe but, I believe that we need more togetherness and less isolation. We need WE! 

No more sitting in your house watching the television, or gaming with friends on the internet. It is time to come together. Whether it be at the park, church, synagogue, mosque, mall, just somewhere other than your home. We need to come together because love at the end of the day beats sadness, loneliness and anxiety. 

Life isn’t about our outsides and materialism! It is about our insides! It is about our hearts, our brains, our breath. We need to learn to let the nagging inside voice that tells us that we aren’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough to make new friends. Those are all lies! 

Take a chance this weekend, find a church, a group that interests you and find out when they meet and go! Go see, go take a chance. No more time for fear, it is time to come together. 

Please don’t let your fears or anxieties get in the way of your happiness. Try something new, and if you don’t like that keep trying! It may take some time to like the new group but don’t give up on your happiness, you are worth it. 

At the end of the day we will all feel fear/anxiety. It is part of the human make-up, but it doesn’t always have to take front and center. Think about it. If you were spending time with a bunch of friends you wouldn’t be spending a lot of time thinking about yourself. You would be listening and engaging in conversation, hopefully the conversation would be about a subject that interested you, hence why it is important to find a group that has similar interests to you. 

You can make new friends, I promise. 

Today my shirt says, “The Purpose of life is to be Happy” Dalai Lama

You got this! 

Have a happy, happy. 

Love, 

Elizabeth Chance aka Bizzy 

Newsletter #9

Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit

The first day of every month my kids and I say to each other rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, to wish each other good luck for the month ahead. It is a funny little tradition that we have and I had to share with you. 

Do you have any silly traditions you do with your family? Please let me know. I would love to hear them…

Today I have been thinking about our inner voice, I would call it our inner critic but I decided not to. Criticism is a negative way of looking at our thoughts. I want us to look at our thoughts and relate them to how we are feeling in the moment, and feelings are ever changing. They are like liquid… and can’t really fit into a good or bad category. Because in one moment it may be good and the next bad. 

I have really been trying to stop and pay attention to my thoughts and recognize them as productive and non-productive. The negative thoughts are mostly in the “need to change that” file. For example, I just texted a friend and they haven’t gotten back to me in seconds or minutes and a negative thought maybe, “that person hasn’t texted me back, oh they must not like me”. How many people feel like that all of the time? I would bet a lot.  

It is my job to look at that irrational thought and change it. Instead of “they don’t like me” doesn’t it feel better if you instead think, “oh they must be really busy today’” and, “they will get back to me later ... .All's good.” That is how we change what is happening between our ears. 

One of the hardest thoughts that I had in the past was the thought, “am I an alcoholic”? That was one that lingered for years. I knew I had a problem but I didn't want to deal with it until I was really ready. 

That thought bounced in my head the most after I had decided to go out. See I was a black out drinker so if I went out I had probably had 47 cocktails, did and said things that I wasn’t proud of or worse yet, I had said and done things that I couldn’t remember. That was the absolute worst, I hated myself. 

I didn’t want to be an alcoholic but I knew that I was! Read that again, I knew I was an alcoholic! It didn’t matter what my friends or family for that matter thought about me and my relationship with alcohol. It was how I felt. 

Everytime I drank I felt bad.

When I had trouble in my life, alcohol was involved. 

So, when I was finally ready to say out loud that I had an issue with alcohol was the moment my relationship with alcohol changed. I knew I couldn’t go on anymore with the insanity of my thoughts going back and forth, “Am I an alcoholic”. 

When I made the decision to break up with booze, it was over. 

Alcohol and I don’t mix well. Not to mention I can’t go back to the insanity. 

That was when everything changed. 

So if you are out there with an inner voice that is questioning your relationship with alcohol it is up to you to take the time to examine your thoughts. Is it true? Do you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol? It is then and only then that you can take charge and change. 

I pray that when you come to whatever conclusion that you come to is at a time when it isn't too late. 

In closing I will tell you I have never regretted giving up alcohol, my only regret is that I wish I had done it sooner. 

Have a happy happy and until next time keep getting busy living sober. 

XO 

Elizabeth aka Bizzy 

Newsletter #8

I woke up this morning later than usual…(thank you God, my sleep has been off lately, waking at 3am..) and did my little morning ritual of listening to a prayer and then meditating. On my journey to find a guided meditation on YouTube, I found a short video by Joe Dispenza and it totally resonated with me and I had to share. 

I don’t know if you can relate to this but, do you think rewarding yourself is going and getting a gift, or going on a vacation, or even moving when you are tired of where you are and need some new scenery in your life, but is it a gift? Yes, it is a small gift in that it gives you a sense that yay, something new! But it wears off. The joy and sense of appreciation is waying…

Real self care, I believe, has to happen each and everyday. In your home, it can’t cost money and it brings you happiness and peace of mind in the day. 

I have always bought myself presents, vacations, moved too many times to count and always hoping to change me. Give a new perspective. And, it  does for moments, days and sometimes months but in the end I go back to the place of what is next? What can I get my little fix from? 

Today it hit me like a ton of bricks. It is self care. It is being able to listen to what is going on inside me, inside my head.

The word meditation is scary to some, in fact I had a guest on my show this week (it hasn’t aired) and she asked me about meditation and I told her about how I went to Penn and learned that my mind will never be silent but what I didn’t tell her is that it takes practice, kindness and patience. All things that I was not very good at….

I wasn’t good at doing the same things all the time, practice. But guess what? Structure in the end is good for me. 

Kindness to others, friends, neighbors I am great with, but true kindness to my family, my husband myself has been hard. We all have some sort of baggage we carry from our childhood and being kind to ourselves is of the utmost importance. If we aren’t kind to ourselves then how can we be authentically kind to others, and the ones we love the most. We need to LOVE ourselves. 

Patience is a virtue, and I didnt have that virtue and the older I get the more I realize that if I just wait and be patient everything works out the exact way it is supposed to. 

The deeper I dive into what is really going on inside of me and look at it honestly it is me that needs to change, I need to give myself the grace, courage and honor to listen to my heart. 

Today, take 5 minutes just to stop and breathe and listen to what is going on inside you. It may give you the answers you have been looking for.

Have a Happy Happy 

XO

Elizabeth aka Bizzy

Newsletter #7 Self Care

Super Bowl is over

Valentine’s Day is over 

Lent began on Wednesday….

It is the middle of February…it's almost Spring…and what to do? 

Did you give something up for Lent, are you going to do something different for the next 38 days? 

This time of year can be challenging. I remember when I lived in the Northeast and how depressing this time of the year was for me. It wasn’t exciting if it snowed in fact it was like ugh, not again. It was a little gray at times and it was depressing. 

How do you get yourself out of the funk and do something new! 

It is Lent and a time of change and introspection. I always tended to go on a big cleanse/diet this time of year because it was easy, I didn’t have a lot of plans so staying in and eating in was what I did. I embraced the quiet time of year to take care of me. Eat well and save money. 

Life doesn’t always have to be go, go, go. It is ok to have a time each year to take a glance back and make plans and goals for what you want in the future. 

I was raised in the Catholic church and I haven’t been a practicing Catholic for over 25 years but I have always loved lent. I like giving something up, not eating meat on Fridays (I rarely eat meat today) and knowing that when Easter came it was a time to celebrate. It wasn’t a punishment as much as a time to have deeper, more meaningful thoughts. It was a time to think about God and what Jesus went through. 

Whether you are religious or not the Bible is an amazing book, Ben Shapiro believes it is the best “self-help” book ever written. This is the season to think back over history and reflect what transpired and where we are today. 

If alcohol or drugs are your issue this can be a time to say, “I’m not using for the next 40 days, it is Lent”, and use this as a time to reestablish your relationship with “painkillers”, alcohol and drugs and seek help. This is a time to say I am going to give this or that up because it is a sacrifice I am willing to make for 40 days. 

This is about you believing in you, believing in something bigger than you that matters. Not the little things, it is the big things. Self care, self love that is what counts. God made you absolutely perfect! 

Family, friends, time to devote to quiet, prayer, and meditation are things that I am going to focus on for the next 40 days. I have given up popcorn. It may seem simple to you but popcorn is my #1 treat so till Easter I am not going to have any, I have also signed up for a daily prayer meditation that I am going to do for the next 40 days. 

I have made some devotions and it is important to me to thank God for the life I have and all of the gifts I have received and one of those gifts is you! 

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed today’s newsletter. 

I’ll be back next week and if you have any topics or subjects you want me to cover reach out to me at elizabeth@elizabethchance.com 

Take care and have a happy, happy. 

XO 

Elizabeth aka Bizzy 

Newsletter #6 Moving Forward: Letting Go & Embracing the Present

I have spent so many years looking back…pondering if this was different, if that was different…my life may be happy, if I could change something from my past I would have serenity and peace. 

I am happy to tell you that I wasted a lot of time! Not only time, but experiences, joy and happiness which are found in moments of a day.

History is very important to enjoy a successful life.. We learn from history. I look back and reflect on my past and see when times were good and times were bad and what I have come up with is that I wouldn’t change any of it. All of my experiences have made me who I am today. The good times and the bad. 

The real truth of it was I was afraid to feel sad and I was afraid to feel afraid! But, we all feel afraid at different times in our lives. Let's face it, fear is good in small doses. In my life I am still fearful of alcohol because it truly kicked my butt! It worked as a painkiller. It took away all feelings both good and bad. 

I spoke to a wise woman last week who said to me, “Drugs and Alcohol are just painkillers!” and she was so nonchalant about it and I have been thinking about that statement for a week and you know what she is right. 

We don’t want to hurt or feel badly so we pick up legal and illegal painkillers and the unfortunate thing is that they are not working! They are killing our society. 

When I was staring back at what had transpired in my childhood, my formative years, then the years I was raising children and living in different places I have concluded that I did my best at the time. Today, I give myself the grace of being kind to myself because at that time I didn't know what I know now. Would I have done life differently if I could have….probably not. 

We all get to Leave the Past in the Past. 

We get to live in the NOW in Today! 

I have a God box (it's an old shoebox) that I put names and situations that I cannot change into the box and give to God, (you can give it whatever you call your higher power) and let it go.

Our history is what makes life so interesting. You can glance and remember what a situation or feeling was like and then move forward in today. 

As my dear friend Lizzie says, “Have a happy, happy”

XO

Elizabeth 

5th Newsletter February 2nd, 2024

Happy February, because Valentine’s Day is the 14th. I always think about hearts and love in this month. I think back to when I was little and I made Valentine’s for everyone in my class. It was such a fun time, and wasn’t filled with anxiety or feelings of if this person likes me or not, it was just about giving everyone a card that represented that you cared about that person. (even if it was one day). 

If life were that simple today…

I have been reflecting for the past 24 hours about how much life has changed in a very short period of time. Let’s face it I am only 55 and the world doesn’t look like the same place that I grew up in or that I lived in just 6 years ago. In some ways it is unrecognizable. 2 + 2 does not equal 4. 

In my humble opinion I think we are living in a darkness and a time of adversity. Love and light can conquer it, but we need to come together rather than tear each other apart….last I checked no one is perfect. 

In 1988 I was 20 years old, people drank and partied and loved one another, it was also the year that the Internet was born! 35 years later our lives look so different. Church was still a big part of people's lives, no one carried around a small computer (ie a cell phone) that tracked every move you made and no one really cared what someone was doing on their vacation or what they ate at each meal. It was a much simpler time in my opinion. 

Drugs were not in every home in America. People were not running to the doctor for this ailment and that bad feeling. But, today people live at CVS and Walgreens, picking up a prescription is like going to the grocery store today, it is a mandatory. And our society is getting sicker and sicker and we thought this was helping but I think it is only hurting. 

When I got sober 17 years ago there were some younger people in the rooms but today they are filled with young people and the young people that I am hearing are in such horrible places it is gut wrenching. 

Gen Z is watching their contemporaries and friends die at a rate that is inconceivable. 

These young kids are having to bury their friends! 

A person’s brain isn’t fully developed on average till the person is 25 years of age. These kids are dying younger! 

It is hard enough to watch a loved one that is elderly die but to have to watch a friend that is 19 die of a drug overdose is mind boggling. What do you do with those emotions? These young adults are having feelings of remorse, why them and not me syndrome and how are they coping? They aren’t! As adults we don’t deal with death well and we expect these kids to be able to handle it…Insanity! 

My daughter called this week to tell me that someone at her small school committed suicide! She explained to me that this person was very lonely! SOMETHING IS WRONG!!!!

How we have been coping as a society is not working! 

One that drinks and does drugs is trying to kill the pain. The pain that sadly doesn’t disappear for long…you chase the high hoping that agony can be kept at bay but numbing does not work!

What does work is love, kindness, light and openness. Finding a true friend and confidant is what works. Someone to actually listen to you, and not judge you. Self love works, FORGIVENESS works. Taking the time to breathe and know that this too shall pass works. 

We are all graced with life. Being a human being isn't easy. Life will have its highs and its lows, it isn’t stagnant. 

Embrace your life, all of it! It is yours to cherish! Feel all the good and the bad. But don’t let one feeling define who you are, because let's face it if you mix up all the good and bad feelings they make up your life, your journey. 

I have always said that I want to slide into those golden arches in the sky and say to God, “thank you, that was an amazing ride”. 

Love you! 

Have a happy, happy 

XOXO

Newsletter #4

Black and White Thinking….

When I was drinking, everything in my life fell into two categories. One was good (light) and one was bad (dark) and I missed so much because I missed all of the colors in between. 

After years of reflection I realized that it was my judgment that made me that way. In fact, looking back, I was simple. If you didn’t do things the way I thought they should be done I judged you! 

With alcohol it was a HARD NO, I had no choice of good or bad, it was BAD! I haven’t had even a sip since August 14, 2006 but with life, raising children, technology, marriage there are things that I had to accept and change about myself. The first thing was that I don’t know everything, I am learning more and more each and every day. 

Being a parent is so hard! I hear it all of the time from women I help and I have to agree. It is impossible to make sure our children are safe 24 hours a day, it is hopeless to believe that they are going to make good choices all of the time and it is preposterous for us to believe that if we do what we believe is the very best that everything is going to turn out perfect! We are humans and we make mistakes…no matter what age we are. 

It is nutty that I thought that I would have a utopian relationship with all of my children. 

My journey has not always been easy and I feel like my black and white thinking and my mouth are why it has been hard. 

When I joined a 12 step program one of the promises was that I would no longer regret the past or wish to shut the door on my past and today I really feel that in my heart. It is through the struggles that we grow.

Changing my thinking and looking at things with different perspectives has not been easy. It has been humbling. 

Keeping my mouth shut has been a huge achievement. It took so much heartache and pain to get to this place where I am an observer and not a commentator. We don’t know everything, we don’t know how things are going to play out. It takes real trust in something bigger than you to have the ability to let go. God has given me the strength to realize that everything in his world is perfect even when my judgment says no it isn’t! I have to trust it isn't an option.

Getting out of the way and doing the best you can do each and everyday is a start. When we don’t drink it gives us a leg up, especially if we have had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. 

Try and see the colors and the beauty even if we think at first glance NO…trust and let go….

BTW prayer helps a lot!

Have a happy happy 

XO 

Elizabeth 

Newsletter #3 Prayer and Meditation

Life since Covid has been different. We all went through major changes during the time we were all locked in our homes. It was very traumatic. Some liked being at home because isolation is their happy place but for others it was a time of fear and uncertainty. Today things are open and at least for today we all are trying to manage and get back life like it used to be but will it ever happen? 

I am not sure of that but what I am sure of is that more women are drinking than ever before and more people are feeling hostile and angry over the changes that have occurred and what do you do when you are angry and you have no control? Pick up a drink or a drug to numb your feelings but the problem is that in the end it doesn't work…it hurts us. 

When I was getting sober I was very anxious and on edge, I had so many pent up feelings I was a little crazy. All I wanted was to live and experience life. It was as if I was given a new pair of glasses.. I wanted to scream from the rooftops that booze wasn’t the answer, life is the answer! Being awake and embracing your feelings for what they are in the moment was the true answer. 

Wanting to run away from today is normal, staring back at yesterday was where I lived most of my life and the other was in the future…what if this happens, what if that happens and I could not find peace! It was so exhausting…I would wake up exhausted from my dreams of shame, remorse, sadness it was so overwhelming. I wanted something to help me! Please….

Prayer was easy because I have always prayed, meditation now that was BIG for me…I mentioned earlier I have a lot of emotions and feelings racing through my brain and the thought of me sitting in a lotus posture, with my hands resting on my knees would be comfortable and zen NOT! It sounded like absolute hell to me. BUT I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING….When I started meditating ,I wanted no part of it. But, rather than running away I signed up for a meditation course, I had heard it was good for me but I feared so much. Time to walk through the fear. 

To surmise what I learned, meditation in my opinion is a time out! I will always have thoughts but what I learned to do with the thoughts was the key...I didn't have to do anything! In meditation I watch my thoughts go by (like clouds in the sky) and I don't have to react! OMG this is what I had been looking for a tool to not react! 

Reacting in times of fear and stress has not been pretty in my past. I scream, yell and act like a maniac and no one benefits from those outbursts. It is up to me as an adult to learn what to do not to react and for me it is truly taking 5 minutes just to sit and relax, breathe and feel. Everything is ok, it may not be perfect but it is manageable if I can take time just to be and accept that life is ever changing. I can't stop the change…I can’t stop the waves coming in…I have to accept these things and learn to ride the wave. 

Some days are harder than others, but I promise you,  if you take the time to pray and meditate your life will change and it will be for the better. 

Have a happy happy 

XO

Elizabeth aka Bizzy

Newsletter #2

Happy Friday the 12th of January 2024

Why is it that when our children are young, we can’t wait for them to grow up? Then they do what is natural and they fly away, we feel lost. My kids have left so many times and each time they do it hurts.

In my addiction, I ran from hurt and pain and today I sit in it. I feel the emotions and I use the tools that I have learned on my journey. Walk…pray and know that they will be back one day. 

Hope is such a great resource. 

We all need hope…something to look forward to in the future. A trip, a party, a lunch or coffee with a friend. Even a plan to catch up with an old friend over the phone is something to look forward to in future. 

Change is constant. Nothing stays the same, trees grow leaves in the spring and flourish in the summer, then the fall comes and all of the leaves fall and, in the winter, they lay dormant waiting for the spring to come again. As human beings we are similar. We go through times of vitality and thrive and times where we go through the pains of letting things go and waiting for time to pass so that we can grow again. 

Being a mother has been one of if not the greatest gifts that I have had the honor to do. It isn’t easy but it is so rewarding. Each stage of our children’s lives is different. Some days you feel like I am an amazing Mom and other days you think, why did I sign up for this! Being a woman and going through these stages is a true gift. 

Today people are confused and sick into thinking that God made them one way and they aren’t comfortable so I am going to go to the extreme and change who I am because I am uncomfortable. But sadness, remorse, and anger don’t last forever. It is fleeting like the leaves on the tree. 

Finding the tools that work for you to change is what is important. 

Take the time to see what works for you. Meditation, journaling, prayer, communication with another is just a couple of means to allow us to cope. 

In my opinion the world has made everything so fast. We can get in a silver tube and speed across the countryside, we can jump on a plane and be on the other side of the world in 24 hours. Instantaneous gratification is great when you want a hamburger but human emotions take time to marinate. It takes work! And not work that you need to climb a mountain pushing a large bolder but self-reflection takes time and courage. It isn’t easy but having the ability to give things the time that they need is imperative to a happy life. 

Give yourself the gift of time to reflect and small little things to look forward to in the future…life is a journey not a destination. 

Have a Happy happy 

Elizabeth 

New Year! New Weekly Newsletter!

Hello to my Subscribers! 

It has been a while since I have written and it feels good to be back at the keyboard. 

I am evolving! It has been over 17 years since I put down my last drink and everyday my sobriety is at the top of my gratitude list. One of the benefits to having so much time is that I get to look back over time and see the changes I have made and what changes are being made around me. 

What has transpired over the last 17 years is really shocking! When I went to meetings in the beginning you could smoke cigarettes in the meeting rooms and one of the big jobs was to clean the ashtrays and now in ’24 you can be arrested for smoking a cigarette in a public space but you can purchase marijuana in a lot of cities around America. (I know that there is a Marijuana store right across the street from a drug and alcohol rehab...)  It is insane… 

Growing up one of the big things about weed was that it made you stupid…it was referred to as dope because it truly made you a dope and today it is ok to smoke weed. In fact, some doctors prescribe weed to calm you down, help you sleep and literally 17 years ago you could be arrested for having a joint! 

We are living in such a changing environment and I will be here to give my opinions when I feel that I need to speak up. I have a voice and I like to use it to encourage others and help people realize that human contact is important and that you and your beliefs are important. You are not alone with an AI robot yet! 

This year I will continue producing two podcasts a week, but every Wednesday I will be on solo… (but I may have a sidekick producer by my side….that is still in the works) I will be sharing my insights on a bunch of different topics. If you have any ideas or questions that you want me to answer please reach out and I promise to respond. 

Lastly, after a couple of years of sabbatical I have decided to take on clients again. So, if you or someone you know could benefit from an extra set of eyes please reach out. 

Until next Friday, have a wonderful week and keep getting busy living sober. 

XO 

Elizabeth