Newsletter #6 Moving Forward: Letting Go & Embracing the Present

I have spent so many years looking back…pondering if this was different, if that was different…my life may be happy, if I could change something from my past I would have serenity and peace. 

I am happy to tell you that I wasted a lot of time! Not only time, but experiences, joy and happiness which are found in moments of a day.

History is very important to enjoy a successful life.. We learn from history. I look back and reflect on my past and see when times were good and times were bad and what I have come up with is that I wouldn’t change any of it. All of my experiences have made me who I am today. The good times and the bad. 

The real truth of it was I was afraid to feel sad and I was afraid to feel afraid! But, we all feel afraid at different times in our lives. Let's face it, fear is good in small doses. In my life I am still fearful of alcohol because it truly kicked my butt! It worked as a painkiller. It took away all feelings both good and bad. 

I spoke to a wise woman last week who said to me, “Drugs and Alcohol are just painkillers!” and she was so nonchalant about it and I have been thinking about that statement for a week and you know what she is right. 

We don’t want to hurt or feel badly so we pick up legal and illegal painkillers and the unfortunate thing is that they are not working! They are killing our society. 

When I was staring back at what had transpired in my childhood, my formative years, then the years I was raising children and living in different places I have concluded that I did my best at the time. Today, I give myself the grace of being kind to myself because at that time I didn't know what I know now. Would I have done life differently if I could have….probably not. 

We all get to Leave the Past in the Past. 

We get to live in the NOW in Today! 

I have a God box (it's an old shoebox) that I put names and situations that I cannot change into the box and give to God, (you can give it whatever you call your higher power) and let it go.

Our history is what makes life so interesting. You can glance and remember what a situation or feeling was like and then move forward in today. 

As my dear friend Lizzie says, “Have a happy, happy”

XO

Elizabeth 

5th Newsletter February 2nd, 2024

Happy February, because Valentine’s Day is the 14th. I always think about hearts and love in this month. I think back to when I was little and I made Valentine’s for everyone in my class. It was such a fun time, and wasn’t filled with anxiety or feelings of if this person likes me or not, it was just about giving everyone a card that represented that you cared about that person. (even if it was one day). 

If life were that simple today…

I have been reflecting for the past 24 hours about how much life has changed in a very short period of time. Let’s face it I am only 55 and the world doesn’t look like the same place that I grew up in or that I lived in just 6 years ago. In some ways it is unrecognizable. 2 + 2 does not equal 4. 

In my humble opinion I think we are living in a darkness and a time of adversity. Love and light can conquer it, but we need to come together rather than tear each other apart….last I checked no one is perfect. 

In 1988 I was 20 years old, people drank and partied and loved one another, it was also the year that the Internet was born! 35 years later our lives look so different. Church was still a big part of people's lives, no one carried around a small computer (ie a cell phone) that tracked every move you made and no one really cared what someone was doing on their vacation or what they ate at each meal. It was a much simpler time in my opinion. 

Drugs were not in every home in America. People were not running to the doctor for this ailment and that bad feeling. But, today people live at CVS and Walgreens, picking up a prescription is like going to the grocery store today, it is a mandatory. And our society is getting sicker and sicker and we thought this was helping but I think it is only hurting. 

When I got sober 17 years ago there were some younger people in the rooms but today they are filled with young people and the young people that I am hearing are in such horrible places it is gut wrenching. 

Gen Z is watching their contemporaries and friends die at a rate that is inconceivable. 

These young kids are having to bury their friends! 

A person’s brain isn’t fully developed on average till the person is 25 years of age. These kids are dying younger! 

It is hard enough to watch a loved one that is elderly die but to have to watch a friend that is 19 die of a drug overdose is mind boggling. What do you do with those emotions? These young adults are having feelings of remorse, why them and not me syndrome and how are they coping? They aren’t! As adults we don’t deal with death well and we expect these kids to be able to handle it…Insanity! 

My daughter called this week to tell me that someone at her small school committed suicide! She explained to me that this person was very lonely! SOMETHING IS WRONG!!!!

How we have been coping as a society is not working! 

One that drinks and does drugs is trying to kill the pain. The pain that sadly doesn’t disappear for long…you chase the high hoping that agony can be kept at bay but numbing does not work!

What does work is love, kindness, light and openness. Finding a true friend and confidant is what works. Someone to actually listen to you, and not judge you. Self love works, FORGIVENESS works. Taking the time to breathe and know that this too shall pass works. 

We are all graced with life. Being a human being isn't easy. Life will have its highs and its lows, it isn’t stagnant. 

Embrace your life, all of it! It is yours to cherish! Feel all the good and the bad. But don’t let one feeling define who you are, because let's face it if you mix up all the good and bad feelings they make up your life, your journey. 

I have always said that I want to slide into those golden arches in the sky and say to God, “thank you, that was an amazing ride”. 

Love you! 

Have a happy, happy 

XOXO

Newsletter #4

Black and White Thinking….

When I was drinking, everything in my life fell into two categories. One was good (light) and one was bad (dark) and I missed so much because I missed all of the colors in between. 

After years of reflection I realized that it was my judgment that made me that way. In fact, looking back, I was simple. If you didn’t do things the way I thought they should be done I judged you! 

With alcohol it was a HARD NO, I had no choice of good or bad, it was BAD! I haven’t had even a sip since August 14, 2006 but with life, raising children, technology, marriage there are things that I had to accept and change about myself. The first thing was that I don’t know everything, I am learning more and more each and every day. 

Being a parent is so hard! I hear it all of the time from women I help and I have to agree. It is impossible to make sure our children are safe 24 hours a day, it is hopeless to believe that they are going to make good choices all of the time and it is preposterous for us to believe that if we do what we believe is the very best that everything is going to turn out perfect! We are humans and we make mistakes…no matter what age we are. 

It is nutty that I thought that I would have a utopian relationship with all of my children. 

My journey has not always been easy and I feel like my black and white thinking and my mouth are why it has been hard. 

When I joined a 12 step program one of the promises was that I would no longer regret the past or wish to shut the door on my past and today I really feel that in my heart. It is through the struggles that we grow.

Changing my thinking and looking at things with different perspectives has not been easy. It has been humbling. 

Keeping my mouth shut has been a huge achievement. It took so much heartache and pain to get to this place where I am an observer and not a commentator. We don’t know everything, we don’t know how things are going to play out. It takes real trust in something bigger than you to have the ability to let go. God has given me the strength to realize that everything in his world is perfect even when my judgment says no it isn’t! I have to trust it isn't an option.

Getting out of the way and doing the best you can do each and everyday is a start. When we don’t drink it gives us a leg up, especially if we have had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. 

Try and see the colors and the beauty even if we think at first glance NO…trust and let go….

BTW prayer helps a lot!

Have a happy happy 

XO 

Elizabeth 

Newsletter #3 Prayer and Meditation

Life since Covid has been different. We all went through major changes during the time we were all locked in our homes. It was very traumatic. Some liked being at home because isolation is their happy place but for others it was a time of fear and uncertainty. Today things are open and at least for today we all are trying to manage and get back life like it used to be but will it ever happen? 

I am not sure of that but what I am sure of is that more women are drinking than ever before and more people are feeling hostile and angry over the changes that have occurred and what do you do when you are angry and you have no control? Pick up a drink or a drug to numb your feelings but the problem is that in the end it doesn't work…it hurts us. 

When I was getting sober I was very anxious and on edge, I had so many pent up feelings I was a little crazy. All I wanted was to live and experience life. It was as if I was given a new pair of glasses.. I wanted to scream from the rooftops that booze wasn’t the answer, life is the answer! Being awake and embracing your feelings for what they are in the moment was the true answer. 

Wanting to run away from today is normal, staring back at yesterday was where I lived most of my life and the other was in the future…what if this happens, what if that happens and I could not find peace! It was so exhausting…I would wake up exhausted from my dreams of shame, remorse, sadness it was so overwhelming. I wanted something to help me! Please….

Prayer was easy because I have always prayed, meditation now that was BIG for me…I mentioned earlier I have a lot of emotions and feelings racing through my brain and the thought of me sitting in a lotus posture, with my hands resting on my knees would be comfortable and zen NOT! It sounded like absolute hell to me. BUT I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING….When I started meditating ,I wanted no part of it. But, rather than running away I signed up for a meditation course, I had heard it was good for me but I feared so much. Time to walk through the fear. 

To surmise what I learned, meditation in my opinion is a time out! I will always have thoughts but what I learned to do with the thoughts was the key...I didn't have to do anything! In meditation I watch my thoughts go by (like clouds in the sky) and I don't have to react! OMG this is what I had been looking for a tool to not react! 

Reacting in times of fear and stress has not been pretty in my past. I scream, yell and act like a maniac and no one benefits from those outbursts. It is up to me as an adult to learn what to do not to react and for me it is truly taking 5 minutes just to sit and relax, breathe and feel. Everything is ok, it may not be perfect but it is manageable if I can take time just to be and accept that life is ever changing. I can't stop the change…I can’t stop the waves coming in…I have to accept these things and learn to ride the wave. 

Some days are harder than others, but I promise you,  if you take the time to pray and meditate your life will change and it will be for the better. 

Have a happy happy 

XO

Elizabeth aka Bizzy

Newsletter #2

Happy Friday the 12th of January 2024

Why is it that when our children are young, we can’t wait for them to grow up? Then they do what is natural and they fly away, we feel lost. My kids have left so many times and each time they do it hurts.

In my addiction, I ran from hurt and pain and today I sit in it. I feel the emotions and I use the tools that I have learned on my journey. Walk…pray and know that they will be back one day. 

Hope is such a great resource. 

We all need hope…something to look forward to in the future. A trip, a party, a lunch or coffee with a friend. Even a plan to catch up with an old friend over the phone is something to look forward to in future. 

Change is constant. Nothing stays the same, trees grow leaves in the spring and flourish in the summer, then the fall comes and all of the leaves fall and, in the winter, they lay dormant waiting for the spring to come again. As human beings we are similar. We go through times of vitality and thrive and times where we go through the pains of letting things go and waiting for time to pass so that we can grow again. 

Being a mother has been one of if not the greatest gifts that I have had the honor to do. It isn’t easy but it is so rewarding. Each stage of our children’s lives is different. Some days you feel like I am an amazing Mom and other days you think, why did I sign up for this! Being a woman and going through these stages is a true gift. 

Today people are confused and sick into thinking that God made them one way and they aren’t comfortable so I am going to go to the extreme and change who I am because I am uncomfortable. But sadness, remorse, and anger don’t last forever. It is fleeting like the leaves on the tree. 

Finding the tools that work for you to change is what is important. 

Take the time to see what works for you. Meditation, journaling, prayer, communication with another is just a couple of means to allow us to cope. 

In my opinion the world has made everything so fast. We can get in a silver tube and speed across the countryside, we can jump on a plane and be on the other side of the world in 24 hours. Instantaneous gratification is great when you want a hamburger but human emotions take time to marinate. It takes work! And not work that you need to climb a mountain pushing a large bolder but self-reflection takes time and courage. It isn’t easy but having the ability to give things the time that they need is imperative to a happy life. 

Give yourself the gift of time to reflect and small little things to look forward to in the future…life is a journey not a destination. 

Have a Happy happy 

Elizabeth 

New Year! New Weekly Newsletter!

Hello to my Subscribers! 

It has been a while since I have written and it feels good to be back at the keyboard. 

I am evolving! It has been over 17 years since I put down my last drink and everyday my sobriety is at the top of my gratitude list. One of the benefits to having so much time is that I get to look back over time and see the changes I have made and what changes are being made around me. 

What has transpired over the last 17 years is really shocking! When I went to meetings in the beginning you could smoke cigarettes in the meeting rooms and one of the big jobs was to clean the ashtrays and now in ’24 you can be arrested for smoking a cigarette in a public space but you can purchase marijuana in a lot of cities around America. (I know that there is a Marijuana store right across the street from a drug and alcohol rehab...)  It is insane… 

Growing up one of the big things about weed was that it made you stupid…it was referred to as dope because it truly made you a dope and today it is ok to smoke weed. In fact, some doctors prescribe weed to calm you down, help you sleep and literally 17 years ago you could be arrested for having a joint! 

We are living in such a changing environment and I will be here to give my opinions when I feel that I need to speak up. I have a voice and I like to use it to encourage others and help people realize that human contact is important and that you and your beliefs are important. You are not alone with an AI robot yet! 

This year I will continue producing two podcasts a week, but every Wednesday I will be on solo… (but I may have a sidekick producer by my side….that is still in the works) I will be sharing my insights on a bunch of different topics. If you have any ideas or questions that you want me to answer please reach out and I promise to respond. 

Lastly, after a couple of years of sabbatical I have decided to take on clients again. So, if you or someone you know could benefit from an extra set of eyes please reach out. 

Until next Friday, have a wonderful week and keep getting busy living sober. 

XO 

Elizabeth