Newsletter #4
/Black and White Thinking….
When I was drinking, everything in my life fell into two categories. One was good (light) and one was bad (dark) and I missed so much because I missed all of the colors in between.
After years of reflection I realized that it was my judgment that made me that way. In fact, looking back, I was simple. If you didn’t do things the way I thought they should be done I judged you!
With alcohol it was a HARD NO, I had no choice of good or bad, it was BAD! I haven’t had even a sip since August 14, 2006 but with life, raising children, technology, marriage there are things that I had to accept and change about myself. The first thing was that I don’t know everything, I am learning more and more each and every day.
Being a parent is so hard! I hear it all of the time from women I help and I have to agree. It is impossible to make sure our children are safe 24 hours a day, it is hopeless to believe that they are going to make good choices all of the time and it is preposterous for us to believe that if we do what we believe is the very best that everything is going to turn out perfect! We are humans and we make mistakes…no matter what age we are.
It is nutty that I thought that I would have a utopian relationship with all of my children.
My journey has not always been easy and I feel like my black and white thinking and my mouth are why it has been hard.
When I joined a 12 step program one of the promises was that I would no longer regret the past or wish to shut the door on my past and today I really feel that in my heart. It is through the struggles that we grow.
Changing my thinking and looking at things with different perspectives has not been easy. It has been humbling.
Keeping my mouth shut has been a huge achievement. It took so much heartache and pain to get to this place where I am an observer and not a commentator. We don’t know everything, we don’t know how things are going to play out. It takes real trust in something bigger than you to have the ability to let go. God has given me the strength to realize that everything in his world is perfect even when my judgment says no it isn’t! I have to trust it isn't an option.
Getting out of the way and doing the best you can do each and everyday is a start. When we don’t drink it gives us a leg up, especially if we have had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
Try and see the colors and the beauty even if we think at first glance NO…trust and let go….
BTW prayer helps a lot!
Have a happy happy
XO
Elizabeth