Self-Love and Authenticity

Whenever I shop and a salesperson suggests different dresses or outfits, I confidently know what I will or won’t try on. With age and experience, I can clearly say what I like and want. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say I love myself and embrace my authentic self, no matter what others think—and that is truly a privilege.

I remember growing up, hearing my mother say that as we age, the need for approval from others fades away, and she was right.

Lately, I’ve been writing every day for an hour, after being encouraged to share my story in a book. This week, I started, and now I’m over 10,000 words in. Reflecting on my childhood and teenage years has brought so much into perspective. My life has been quite an adventure, and I know there are many more chapters to live.

Life is such a journey, and spending time wishing things were different is a waste. We can’t go back! All we have is right now. I used to spend so much time wishing my life had unfolded differently, revisiting events from the past. But no power in the world can bring back time. So, instead of dwelling on what was, I’ve learned to embrace my past, because everything happens for a reason. It may take months, years, or even decades to understand why things happened the way they did.

This realization recently hit me hard. In my family, I always saw myself as the black sheep (you’ll understand why when you read my book). I felt like an outcast. But I realize now that labeling myself that way only made my life harder, more stressful, sadder, and lonelier than it needed to be. A friend of mine recently shared a similar story about labeling herself the “black sheep,” and it opened my eyes.

Years of sobriety and 12-step work, along with the passing of my mother, have helped me let go of those labels and self-pity I carried for so long. It took decades, but I can now say with certainty that I was the one who cast myself as the villain—no one else. I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself that I didn’t have the courage or self-love to let go of that false narrative until recently.

We all put labels on ourselves that aren’t necessarily true. If we asked our friends or family to describe us, their responses would likely be very different from the ones we assign ourselves. Negative thoughts and emotions can skew our self-esteem and authenticity. I carried so much guilt and shame from my teenage years, dragging those feelings around like a backpack full of bricks. It weighed me down, and I had no self-compassion. This lack of self-love showed in how I acted and the emotional walls I built around my heart.

Time is a healer of most wounds—whether they’re self-inflicted or caused by others. Now, in my mid-50s, I’ve learned to love myself and to love God. I’ve come to realize that God always forgives and loves us unconditionally. It took the time it did for me to arrive where I am now, but I can tell you this: it’s never too late to build a relationship with God. The gifts that come with it—like self-love and the ability to be your authentic self—are priceless.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Sending big hugs and love,
XO
Elizabeth aka Bizzy