Newsletter for Friday, September 27, 2024

Healing

Have you ever felt hopeless at some point in your life?

Growing up in the 70s and 80s, I watched a lot of television. I often found myself comparing my life to what I saw on screen. I longed for what I perceived as the ideal: a happy mom and dad, nice siblings, and the perfect family. Unfortunately, I didn’t get that dream. Today, though, I find joy in witnessing other families heal, and it makes me so happy.

This week, I had the honor of watching two friends experience healing within their families.

One of my friends, George, grew up in what seemed like an amazing family. But he had a secret—his mother struggled with mental illness. His father did his best to cover it up, becoming both mother and father to George and his brother Mike. His dad went to work, made money, cooked dinner, and made sure they were dressed for school. He was, in many ways, a hero, creating a sense of normalcy for his children.

Despite this, George and Mike grew up believing their family was ideal, only to realize later that their mother’s absence and struggles were significant. They rarely talked about how they felt, which only added to their anxiety. Keeping family secrets can be damaging—secrets make you sick.

Recently, at a family christening, the brothers sent their wives back to the hotel and stayed up late talking—really talking. They shared their experiences growing up and how they both saw things similarly. Without judgment or drama, they laughed and cried. For the first time, they spoke openly about their mother’s illness. It was a moment of closure and freedom from the burden of carrying that secret.

The second story involves my friend Elliot, an alcoholic who has been struggling for decades. Despite his many attempts to get sober, nothing seemed to work. Yet, he never gave up.

When his daughter was getting married, Elliot desperately wanted to be there for her. A friend intervened, taking him to treatment as his health was rapidly declining. This time, Elliot took recovery seriously because he wanted to live and be present for his family.

The wedding was difficult. His ex-wife has remarried a man who now fills Elliot’s role in the family. Seeing his daughter love her stepfather was a painful reminder of all he had lost to his disease. Thankfully, a fellow alcoholic in recovery accompanied him to the wedding. Together, they processed the weekend, and Elliot was able to express his feelings without judgment.

Later, Elliot called his ex-wife and took responsibility for his actions. Without making excuses, he spoke honestly, and she listened without judgment. This conversation marked the beginning of a new, healthier relationship, one built on mutual respect and forgiveness.

Both stories brought tears to my eyes. They experienced something many of us long for—healing and forgiveness.

If there are rifts in your family or relationships, and you have the opportunity to let go of the past and listen with an open heart, things can change. Forgiveness is powerful.

God always forgives. It is we humans who struggle with forgiveness. If you have someone to forgive, do it. I promise, nothing feels better than letting go and embracing an open heart.

Have a wonderful weekend, and thanks for reading.

XO,
Elizabeth aka Bizzy