Newsletter for October 4, 2024
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Fall, Family, and Finding Peace: Embracing Change and Letting Go
Can you sit back and let things happen, or do you always feel the need to share how you’re feeling?
Family, I’m heading on a vacation to visit my daughter in Vermont, and it’s stirring up a lot of emotions. I’m nervous! Isn’t that crazy? It feels that way, but with my birthday approaching—turning 56—my emotions feel bigger than ever. You’d think by now I could keep my feelings to myself, but I’m human.
Family, in particular, can be so triggering for many of us.
They’ve known us forever—since childhood, middle school, high school—and, if you’re like me, there are parts of our past we’d rather forget. But some family members love to remind us of our past mistakes. These painful memories are things we’ve worked hard to accept and move past, perhaps with the help of a professional. However, not everyone in our family gets the same guidance, and they sometimes can’t help bringing up the past, no matter how much we wish they wouldn’t. So, how do we move forward?
On this trip, I’m taking the first steps toward a different kind of relationship with my children—one that’s healthier and more functional than the one I grew up with.
It’s going to take effort to keep my feelings and thoughts in check, but I’m determined to use the tools I’ve learned on my journey. Some of those tools include:
Don’t take things personally.
Breathe.
Let comments and gestures slide.
Avoid reacting.
Think before speaking.
Ask myself: Does this need to be said? Does it need to be said now?
Take a time-out: go for a walk, return to the hotel if necessary.
Building good memories requires effort and boundaries. Before this trip, I talked with my daughter about our boundaries, sharing mine as well. These boundaries aren’t about creating distance; they’re about preventing feelings of hurt.
We both want this weekend to be fun and memorable, and we’re committed to doing whatever it takes to ensure that.
Relationships, especially those with family, can be tough—especially when we carry old hurts or expectations. But if we can let go of expectations, we can be present in the moment and open to surprise.
We all need a little help and support when striving for healthy relationships.
This year, with the election looming, there's even more anxiety in the air. But by communicating openly and listening to each other, my daughter and I are setting the stage for a great trip—one that will hopefully leave us excited for the next.
The foliage in New England will be at its peak, and like the leaves that change color and fall, we are all constantly evolving. Embracing change is key, because it’s inevitable, and resisting it only makes things harder.
Ultimately, it’s not about seeking approval from others—it’s about cherishing the time we have with the people we love. We can’t control what our children grow up to be, so we might as well practice restraint of tongue and pen.
Enjoy this glorious fall weekend wherever you are, and remember, God is always with you. His love is unconditional, and with that knowledge, you will never be alone.
Sending love and big hugs to all.
Love,
Elizabeth aka Bizzy