Newsletter August 9, 2024

reenactment of 4am

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night?

I don’t know if you ever wake up way before your alarm, at say 4 am, filled with worry; but I have to tell you I do sometimes. I wake up and of course I have to wake up JF (my hubby)...I reach over and touch him and ask in a particularly loud voice, “ Hey, are you up? I really need to talk.” He of course rolls over and asks, “What’s up?” My response is, “I’m worried!”

Now we are both awake and of course it’s pitch black outside and the dogs are still sleeping. The perfect time to talk about my anxiety about the future! 

Can you relate? 

I know that I try to preach that it is so much better to live in gratitude and faith but some days I slip and literally go to “the Dark Side”, as I like to call it. For some reason I wake up out of a dead sleep and my mind is racing… What if this happens? What if that happens? What is our plan? Do we have a plan B? “What if’s” just bouncing around my brain and it drives me crazy! 

So rather than dealing with them myself, I of course need to bring my husband along for the ride! He doesn’t know what to say, he’s asleep! But I ramble on and on about what is going to happen if we don’t do this and if we don’t do that! It goes on for 20 minutes and then I get a little angry (ok I get a lot angry) that he doesn’t have a plan! He doesn’t have a McGiveresqe plan B for us! 

It is dark my friends. To be honest I hate with all of my heart going to the dark side! But I am human and it honestly happens!

By the time we are finished with Doomsday and I have gotten really mad at my lovely husband it is 5:30! His alarm is now going off and as they used to say, “It is time to make the donuts!” LOL! He’s ready to go! In fact, he is out the door in record time! I think he is like, “Get me out of here, this lady I’m married to is nuts!” 

Btw I totally get it! I do get nuts! Yes, I am less than a week shy of having 18 years of continuous sobriety but that does not mean that I am not human and that at times I do go back to old behaviors especially when I am feeling scared; FEAR. 

He leaves and I get my warm water and it is time for me to get with God! I start my morning routine of listening to the Hallow App. It is literally a life saver. I sit with my warm water and my dogs and I pray. It is the absolutely best way to start the day! Not the way I started today in the dark! But I restarted my day and it was a total game changer! No more dark my friends. I got into the light, with God and the Blessed Mother! 

It is so nice to know that I can restart my day at any time. 

Having tools that benefit you and your mental health are as important as physical exercise. 

We are living in uncertain times and prayer, meditation, quiet, lighting a candle, getting on my knees and praying are so beneficial to how my day goes. 

If I didn’t have those tools I would have been a babbling idiot all day! 

I would have shared with my friends and family my drama! Telling them stories about what hasn’t happened yet! I would have gotten them all riled up and for what? Because misery loves company? 

Needless to say I don’t have to drag a bunch of people into my insanity anymore! I have learned tools and you can too! 

And to bring back my optimistic self, I want you to know that I pray none of those crazy stories I was telling my husband at 4 am ever come to life. 

I know prayer works and I know God is listening… he has shown me time and time again that he listens. His timing might not be my timing but in the end everything always ends up better than I could ever imagine. 

That being said I hope you and your families have an absolutely fantastic weekend. 

Sending big hugs and love. 

XOXO 

Elizabeth aka Bizzy