Decision Time

Earlier this week, I returned from a trip with my daughter to visit a college for the second time. The first time we visited the school it was just for a “look see,” and she liked it, applied and was accepted. You would have thought that “Hooray” would have been her response, but it wasn’t.

My daughter was torn. So, to the airport we went!

While sitting on the plane waiting to depart for our trip, I looked over at my daughter and she seemed uncomfortable, with only anger and fear showing on her face. I turned to ask her if she was okay and she ignored me.

Now I was angry. My daughter is so blessed to have this opportunity and she is acting like a spoiled brat.

After taking my daughters phone about 10 minutes into our flight, my daughter finally spoke. “What?!,” she asked. I then asked her why she was mad, and she told me that she was scared – or at least thought that’s why she was acting this way. Her response was not foreign to me, as a lot of people feel like her. This is particularly true when one has to make a major decision.

Do any of us ever know the right answer? Or, does everyone just go with their gut instinct and hope for the best?

For me, I used to go with the flow. I didn’t ponder decisions for too long while I was dealing with my addiction, especially if my friends were making the same decisions too.

Today, I ponder and ponder some more. I ask everyone’s opinion, weigh the pros and cons, and pray! I pray that God will show me a sign – like a burning bush or a sign flashing "go this way" in neon lights – but it never happens.

We all have something inside of us that helps us navigate life. I call it intuition, my gut and my higher power’s will. For me to listen to my gut, intuition and higher power, I must be quiet and avoid distractions so that I can be calm enough to hear, embrace and trust my feelings.

It has taken me many years to really learn and practice this using a tool called meditation.

Each time I suggest meditation to my daughter, she looks at me like I have ten heads and I am absolutely insane to even suggest this! However, because I am her mother, she trusts me. She knows that whatever decision she makes can be changed. We all have that option. It is okay to change our minds, especially when we know we have gotten ourselves into a bad situation.

It takes guts, intuition and strength to make a change! Why then do we judge ourselves so harshly when we make a bad choice? I believe it takes courage to recognize when we have made a bad choice, and most of our problems occur when we just stay in a bad situation. I often give this piece of advice: if something is bad, make a choice to change it and keep trying to change. That is true growth!  

And, it is important to not feel like you have to make your changes alone. It is okay to ask for HELP!

#sobernotashamed

Enjoying Vacation Without Drinking

Years ago, I went on my honeymoon to an amazing all-inclusive resort. That meant the price of our trip included an all-you-cant eat buffet at every meal and an open bar. When I found out that alcohol was included in the price, I remember thinking, “Yes- bingo! Sign me up!” I was going to have the trip of a lifetime!

Unfortunately, this vacation was not so memorable.

The entire trip was filled with drinking every night to the point that the next morning I could not recall all of the “fun” things that we had done the night before. Instead of waking up with fond memories, I woke up every day with a hangover, regret and shame as a blackout drinker. Even the thought of getting up early to go on an excursion or play a sport was out of the question…I was too sick!

As I think of this right now, I am overcome with pure disgust! I think about all of the time and money I wasted and how I didn’t get to enjoy any part of the trip – the moments, the scenery, and the activities – because I was too busy planning how much “fun” I was going to have getting drunk.

Vacation is an opportunity to get away from our daily routine and have hours upon hours of pure freedom. However, years ago, I associated freedom with drinking. When I drank, I felt like I was free from everything and – most importantly – I was free from my thoughts and I could escape.

But, I have the disease of alcoholism! I have to deal with life and life’s issues without a drink because the booze and drugs can’t help. Having to deal with life without these substances is not a bad thing! It is just something that I had to get used to and I had to learn how to use other tools to handle my feelings.

Today, vacation is truly a vacation! Many of the vacations that I take today are to beautiful places that have golf courses. While on the course, you just get to be out in nature with old or new friends and try to get a small white ball into a cup. The game isn’t about winning or losing for me; it is about really enjoy quality time without interruption. That’s what I really love about golf – and the fact that most courses don’t allow cell phones really helps!

The gift of vacationing is the ability to just sit and take in the scenery without distractions. It is a time to spend with friends and family doing what you love. Whatever your desired activity of choice is while on vacation – golfing, swimming, hiking, boating, cards, board games - just revel in it and live in the moment. Because, remember, you can’t buy time!

Try to enjoy your next vacation without drinking… I promise you will not be disappointed!

Cherishing Friendships

Last weekend, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died unexpectedly at the age of 79.  Although I cannot say that I followed Scalia or the goings on of the Supreme Court, the announcement of his death caught my attention. What caught my eye was one of the many stories circling around about Scalia, a staunch conservative, and his friendship with fellow Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, a liberal.

Scalia and Ginsberg were an unlikely pair; they had very different views when it came to the law. However, they formed a bond and relationship while working together over the years. It was a friendship based on mutual respect and admiration.

When the media reported this, it touched my heart. I am moved by the thought of two people – who may not agree on anything – having the ability to work together and build lasting friendships.

To me, that is what life is about.

Putting down that last drink years ago improved my life in many different ways. It wasn’t all about the party anymore; it was about me figuring out who I am and what is important to me. I believe that the true gifts of life are time and genuine, lasting friendships! When I drank it felt like I wished time away and I never wanted to live in the moment, which included treasuring my friendships.

Two years ago, I lost one of my best friends and no day goes by that I don’t think about her. That’s why, today, I make an effort to stay in the moment and cherish all of the great friendships I have and remember the ones that I have lost.

Rest in peace Antonin Scalia, and sincerest condolences to Ruth for her loss. 

Let’s Talk…

Let’s Talk is a concept I came up with a couple of years ago with a friend of mine. We decided that it might be a good idea to hold an informative town hall meeting to discuss addiction and how it affects our community. In the past, not many people showed up or had the urge to talk about this “taboo” subject!

Fortunately, I don’t give up easily. So, I am back at it!

From the front page of the Sunday New York Times to the presidential campaign trail, the American people are talking about the disturbing subject of heroin and addiction. Every time I tell someone what I do for a living, they respond, “I have a family member, dear friend or neighbor that has been battling addiction.”

If people know a person or a number of people battling with addiction, why is this subject off-limits? It is 2016 and it is time to educate our communities as to what an addict is. That is why I am going to attempt this again with some help from dear friends.

Our mission is to bring addiction out of the shadows and to educate society that addiction is a disease, not who you are. Everyone needs to get busy living sober! We are going to host a panel, with each person telling a little bit about themselves and their story. Afterwards, we will open up the conversation and let the audience ask questions or tell their own stories.  

We are not here to tell you not to drink or to not to do drugs – we are here to support those who think they may have a problem or those individuals who have a loved one with a problem. We want people to feel like they are safe and loved, and know that they are not alone.

Addiction is a genetic problem that is passed down through our DNA and has nothing to do with morals, values, education or the amount of money a person has. An article in Time magazine from 2011 points out that in 1956, the American Medical Association recognized alcoholism as a disease.  

It is time to get rid of the shame and get busy living! 

Snow and Pills

I woke up this morning to a little beautiful white snow. Unfortunately, the thought I had after delight was who is going to shovel? The last snow was a blizzard, during which I shoveled and hurt my shoulder. I eventually went to the doctor to have her check it out and she ruled out anything major. To help, she gave me some exercises to do and prescribed me Advil (over the counter).

Because I was honest with ere, my doctor now knows that I am in recovery and knows to never prescribed me painkillers.  My drug of choice (DOC) is alcohol, however, pills and marijuana all go to the same receptor in the brain. Doctors are finally catching on that painkillers and opiates are addicting and are killing our many people today. 

A report in the Washington Post yesterday state, “The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported recently that the 28,657 deaths from prescription opioids and heroin in 2014 were a record. The agency said that more than six in 10 drug overdose deaths were caused by opioids that year.”

The numbers of deaths associated to drug overdoes are beyond frightening and this is an epidemic.

While in medical school, doctors spend about 20 minutes on addiction and the topic hasn’t warranted the attention until now. The New York Times has featured addiction and death rates on its cover for the last three Sundays. FINALLY someone is paying attention!

Addicts are not morally bad people! Quite to the contrary, addicts are people that are born with a gene that has been passed down from somewhere in there family tree. It has nothing to do with self will or ethics it has to with DNA! This gene does not mix with drugs and alcohol. In fact the combination makes people do things that they normally would never do and enables people to become menaces to society.

Enough with societies judgment! It is time to stop judging and time to start loving! Someone told me that a young person had recently said, “Alcoholics and drug addicts are weak, and have no self control!” I was in shock to hear that someone that was 13 still had an archaic view of what addiction is.

No more scaring our youth about addiction; there is nothing to be ashamed of! It is time to get real and talk about our family’s histories. Rather than telling them about shame and weakness, we should not be afraid to educate and tell our children about the signs associated with addiction. 

Focusing on the Positive

I admit that sometimes I find the fault in things before I notice the good. When I first decided that I wanted to change the stigma surrounding addiction, I went to the negative: rehabs aren’t working, 12-step doesn’t work and the media’s portrayal of the addict is wrong! Alcoholics Anonymous, one of the world’s most high-profile 12-step programs, revealed that 64% of their members drop out in the first year. Not a very promising stat but, rather than focusing on the 64%, let’s focus on the 36%! From this statistic we can gather that 36% of the people that come to AA stay the first year! To take it one-step further: one of those initial participants will persist in the program continuously for 5 years and that person’s odds of staying sober the rest of their life jumps substantially.

People who decide to get sober and stay sober are strong, successful individuals. They are productive members of our communities and truly make the difference in other’s lives; which I believe is the real reason that we were put on this planet! I do not think we were put here to become materialistic, greedy and selfish people.

Speaking for myself only, when I was still out there in my addiction, alcohol and drugs were my number one motivators! Not others! It was the Elizabeth show and, to be frank, I was a self-serving manipulator! That has changed because I am one of those statistics that stayed and changed! The joy and peace I feel helping another person is overwhelming. To just share my story with another person that has the same problems as I do is such a gift. This gift of telling our stories to another that can relate is beyond therapeutic. In other diseases, such as cancer, MS, or diabetes, support groups are encouraged to help patients get through the hard times! Addiction is the same thing! You have nothing to be ashamed of!

#sobernotashamed