Addiction Should No Longer Be the Disease Everyone Whispers About

This past weekend, Macklemore joined President Obama at the White House for his weekly address. When I saw the two sitting side by side on television, I knew I had to tune in because they are an unlikely pair – one is the leader of the free world and the other is a rapper, singer/songwriter in recovery.

As I watched the address, I heard President Obama refer to addiction as “the disease that is only whispered about…” I was thrilled. Obama said essentially what Busy Living Sober is all about – it is time to have an open and transparent discussion about addiction instead of living in shame because of the disease.

During the program, Macklemore spoke about one of his friends that died at 21 of an overdose and it struck a cord with me. I, too, lost one of my best friends due to addiction. My friend Nedenia had been trying to help a man that had incredible talents. He could sing and write music, but also struggled with addiction. The man had been battling a cocaine habit for years. Nedenia believed that she could help him, but the man could never beat the habit. After getting high one evening, the man killed Nedenia, who was the one person that wanted to help him. He is now in jail and will be for the next 50 years.

We need to help addicts by talking about it! In our communities, we need to come together and refrain from judging addicts. Judgment does nothing but bring shame and causes addicts to not share what they are going through or seek help. Talking and coming up with solutions for our loved ones and family members is the answer. Whether they seek help from professionals and/or friends, every addict needs people to talk to and share their experiences with.

I started Busy Living Sober’s “Let’s Talk” in the hopes that people would be able to come and get answers as well as hear people that are battling the disease of addiction right here in our community. People don’t have to be afraid of judgment because we are all being honest and sharing our stories so that addicts won’t feel alone. We are here to help!

Enough secrets and whispering, it is time to talk! We need to help addicts and remove the shame from the disease. So, let’s get talking!  

#SoberNotAshamed

Don’t Let The Rain Get You Down: 4 Things You Can Do to Brighten Your Day

This dreary, rainy weather makes me feel sad, tired and lonely. It also makes feel like I have little to no energy, and I hate that feeling. I want to feel energized and happy!

These darn feelings…what is up with them? They are sometimes completely overrated.

My old coping mechanism of going for a drink when I feel this way is no longer an option! So what to do to make me feel happy…

·      Listen to good music: Music always gets me out of a bad mood! Doobie Brothers, Prince (God rest his soul), Donna Summer, whatever gets you moving turn on. Music tends to put me in a good mood and makes me want to dance…

·      Buy pretty, colorful flowers: Tulips are not expensive right now and they can make any room feel more alive and happy. Just the bright color and the green liven up any space.

·      Watch a happy movie or television show: One that makes me feel happy and upbeat. No down or depressing television or movies. I can’t add to the loathing feelings instead I need to remind myself of happy times.

·      Wear clothes that make me feel good: I don’t put on dark clothing and expect to feel cheerier. I put on something bright like white, green, pink or yellow. Bright colors on the outside make you feel good on the inside.

The weather can really affect one’s mood and doing little things really can make a difference. But thinking that getting instant gratification from a drink or other mind-altering substances is not the answer. All you need is a little imagination and hope! We are in charge of our thoughts and our mind.

No more sadness or feeling melancholy. It is time to live and know that a bright warm sunny day is right around the corner.

What We Can Learn From The Tragic Passing of Prince: Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late

Prince’s passing two weeks ago was beyond devastating. As someone who is only ten years younger than him, I was shocked. I remember like it was just yesterday, jamming out to “Purple Rain” during my high school years and driving around in the car screaming his lyrics at the top of my lungs. 

Yesterday, The New York Times reported that Prince was battling an opiate addiction. The outlet stated that his people reached out to a doctor in Mill Valley, California, to seek advice and help. The doctor was unable to see Prince until Friday, but since he was concerned for his welfare, he sent his son on a redeye to Minneapolis. By the time the doctor’s son had arrived, it was too late. In fact, the doctor’s son was the person that called 911.

This is a tragic story is one that is more common than you think. The disease of addiction is very scary, even more so when you are dealing with an opiate problem. Most people use opiates for the first time under a doctor’s orders. Sometimes, doctors prescribe opiates for back pain or surgery and forget how highly addictive they are. Most people don’t think they are going to become addicted to these medications, but before they know it, they already are.

People need to be completely aware of the risks are and the probability of becoming addicted before they take any drug. Doctors need to stress the addictive nature of these pills because most people believe that if a doctor prescribes them something it must be okay. But that is not true!

Before it is too late like in the case of Prince, people need to seek advice and treatment. Too many bystanders ignore the warning signs of someone who is suffering from addiction and wait until the person is convulsing from detoxing. Those suffering from addiction need to be honest and feel comfortable enough to talk openly about what is going on with their relationship with prescription medications before they have no options and are completely addicted.

Whether you’re rich or poor, addiction doesn’t care. The disease will take control of anyone. Once it has control of you, the odds of breaking free are slim unless you are willing to fight the biggest fight of your life. If you can’t fight the fight, unfortunately, death is inevitable.  

Many addicts believe that drugs and alcohol help to alleviate life’s ups and downs, so they start using over and over again. However, the more an addict starts using, it becomes increasingly difficult to turn back. Oftentimes, it takes an act of God and a strong willingness to be able to beat it and never go back to it again.

As a recovering alcoholic, I know that more needs to be done to help addicts beat their disease and the tragic passing of Prince has reinforced that the need..

You hear in the news every week that politicians are speaking out about the disease of addiction – especially with the current opioid epidemic. They are discussing ways in which addicts need to be helped, but no action is actually being taken.

A major takeaway from the tragic death of Prince is that you must help those suffering from addiction before it is too late. It also shows us that the disease does not discriminate and swifter action is needed now in our government to help deal with the ongoing epidemic.

#SoberNotAshamed

#BusyLivingSober

My View of a 12-Step Program

It has been brought to my attention that I may be described as a zealot and someone that loves Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and can’t stand alcohol or alcoholics. To be clear I use a 12-step program to help me stay sober. I am open and honest about my recovery, but not everyone feels the way I do. In fact, a lot of people do not want to share that they are in recovery and I think that is great for them. Who am I to judge?

I have been very open with my attendance to AA. I know people judge me and that is on them. Years ago, I learned that what others think about me is none of my business. A 12-step program works for me! Is it going to work for you? I have no clue – I am not God! If you have a problem and need help, AA can be an option for you.

When Bill Wilson started the AA program, he felt that it needed the anonymous piece. He wanted people to get the help they needed without anyone ever knowing because the shame and social judgment associated with having a drinking problem back then – and today – is heavy and debilitating.

When you attend a meeting, you never use your last name. You only use your first. This enables you to make why you came to the meeting more important than who you are. The only thing you need when you go to a meeting is a desire to stop drinking. That is it. There is no discrimination – people are there to help! No money is necessary (they pass a basket for donations but, money holds no relevance in AA) and one’s attendance is kept in complete confidence.

The reasoning for the anonymity was not just due to shame, but if you said that you were a member and then drank it would reflect back on the program. You would never want to go to a program that didn’t work. Hence why I went. I had heard that AA helped people get sober. I was very fearful of the anonymity and it kept me away in the beginning. However, I felt I had no other options. I knew I needed help to stop drinking and I heard it worked. To this day, it has worked for me. But, I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow, a week from now or a year from now. I live one day at a time.

Other people’s drinking is none of my business. If it isn’t a problem for you, go for it! For me I loved drinking! It was great, I did it all of the time. But, I can’t drink anymore because I have a problem when alcohol hits my lips; I can’t stop!

The most important lesson I have learned recently is that there is no one walking on this planet that is perfect! So, who are we to judge? I want people to be happy and if that is drinking, great. If they have a problem, I hope that they would seek help. Life truly is a gift and if you don’t think so, just look out the window! The trees, birds and spring have sprung. Everything is alive, so go out and enjoy it! 

Why is it so hard to love ourselves?

I don’t know if it is an American quality or just a human quality, but why are so many people unhappy and judgmental? And, why is it so hard for people to change the way the think of themselves?

Rather than spending time working on their exterior appearances, it is time for people to concentrate on their inner person – the person that has feelings of self-loathing.

When I first got sober, I put on a face and pretended to like myself. I put a lot of time and effort into my outside appearance – I shopped, lost weight, etc. On the outside it looked as if I had it all.

However, I remember a friend saying to me, “You look great on the outside now, but, wouldn’t it be great to look like that on the inside as well?”

I thought about that statement for a long time and I didn’t get it at first. I thought that the only thing that was important to me was the outside. Little did I know that in fact it is all about the inside.

Since then, I have spent years trying to perfect my core – my heart – so that my inner person matches my outer person.

The reality is that life is progress not perfection, and I have taken the time and energy to figure out what is important to me about myself. The things about myself that are most important to me are my inner happiness, kindness and love.  I have also taken the time to learn that purchasing the perfect pair of jeans or reaching my desired goal on the scale will never work in making me happy for the rest of my life.

So, what is the key to figuring out what makes you happy on the inside? Living in the moments of today, not tomorrow or yesterday.

By living in the moment of today, you will be able to find out what is actually causing you pain and anxiety on the inside. And, ultimately, it will allow you to find the love that you lost for yourself and begin to work on what makes you happy. 

Living With Addiction

Addiction is explicitly defined as the compulsive craving of a drug or certain behavior. This is mostly driven by pleasure centers in your brains and studies have shown that it is genetic. So it is already hard wired into you at birth, and it can run in the family. Like in mine, both of my parents are addicts and their drug of choice is alcohol. Today, they are in recovery but the road to recovery was long, hard and important. I am proud of my parents. Once they hit rock bottom they had the ability and strength to pull them selves up. It wasn’t easy.

My mom’s road to recovery started when I was 10 years old. She was one of those moms who would finish a bottle of wine and then send us to bed so she could finish her second and third bottles. The sad thing was that my siblings and I thought this was normal. Looking back to when we were growing up, our mom was a drunk until the summer of 2006 when she got sober.

Mom was nice (for the first time I could remember) and would always drop us off at our grandmother’s (Gigi). She would drop us around 4 o’clock and pick us up around 9 o’clock, saying that she was going to meeting. When we asked our grandmother what mom was doing, she would say; “Your mother is getting help.” Gigi helped us a lot get through the rough first year of my mom’s sobriety, feeding us and taking care of us after school. My mom’s journey wasn't really in the spotlight, unlike our father.

My dad flirted with sobriety twice – once while my parents were getting a divorce when I was eight and again when I was 17. The first time he was a dry drunk, meaning that he would go to meetings but never really buy into the steps of the 12-step program. Which, unfortunately resulted in him falling off the wagon as most dry drunks do. It’s like building a home on sand where earthquakes are common. You are sort of destined for failure.

We (myself and my little sister and brother) witnessed his relapse down a slippery slope called alcoholism. We saw how quickly it can take a hold of a person. I remember for a short time he could control having a beer or two a night but then it quickly escalated to a couple glasses of wine, then to half a bottle, and finally getting to the point that he was drinking himself to sleep every night. There was a stark difference in the way he acted too; he was more reclusive, distracted and not really all there.

I take some responsibility in his recovery. I had gotten a parking ticket a couple days before his last drink, and he was going to the police station to pay the ticket. When he approached the counter to pay the ticket, the officer that was on duty looked him in the eyes and smelled him. My dad not only had red blood shot eyes but he smelled like alcohol, something that was normal for us to witness.

The officer did not ignore my dad, giving him two choices. The first was that he could call a friend to take him home because the officer could smell the alcohol on his breath. Or, the second was that he could get into his car and the officer would arrest him for a DUI. He decided at that point to call my mom, who was getting certified as a recovery specialist.

My mom called a drug and alcohol rehab that she had a relationship with in the area. When she picked him up, my mom gave him a similar ultimatum as the police officer did. She said, “You either go to rehab or you never see the kids again.” He chose rehab!

I only remember being sad because he was supposed to pick me up from wrestling practice. I had no idea that he was admitted to rehab. He wasn't answering his phone and I was petrified that the worst had happened. Worrying about my dad was something that I did up until that day often.

Eventually, my mom picked me up and told me that he was in rehab and that he tried to call me while I was in practice. That was one of the most relieving moments of my life.

Now, both of my parents are sober! My dad is better a lot better! My mom has created a nonprofit in the hopes of changing the face of addiction. She is also coaching people as they fight this terrible disease!

Addiction is a disease that I know all to well and my only hope is that there is change! I don’t want any kids to have to deal with the hard times that my family had to deal with. I have been blessed to be able to talk about it and be open. I don’t have to feel ashamed anymore which I am so grateful for!