That has been the name that I have been called for almost 22 years. Elizabeth, Liz, and Bizzy have also been used to get my attention but the one used the most has been Mom and my youngest child is about ready to fly the coop and head South to continue his education.
Last night hit me hard! He went to the Prom. There he was dressed in his finest clothing and looked absolutely smashing. Henry was all grown up. Mom wasn’t really needed except to approve of the tie and cummerbund. I ordered the flowers but beyond that as he said to me, “Mom, I got this.”
I am beyond proud of him because he has worked hard. But, I am feeling so crazy!!!! I am sad and feeling lost! Now what?
I have had jobs and I still have a career but nothing I do on a daily basis brings me as much joy as being a Mom.
When my kids were little it was physically hard, three born in 3 ½ years! Getting them from here to there was tough.
Then I got divorced and sober!
Being a Mom is a job that I had never had before. It came with challenges and major learning curves.
For example, how do you deal with a teacher? Especially one who was concerned that my child may have a brain tumor because he couldn’t sit still for a half hour? Or hearing your daughter complain that she has to row on a beautiful river for her exercise? Or finding out my child has a rare, non-life-threatening disease? How was I supposed to react to that? I figured it out!
Was it hard or easy? Those adjectives can’t be used to describe these feelings. In fact, my solution to the problems were figured out as I went along. I did the very best I could.
So as a Mom, I have had to be saleswomen, a handy-woman, a life coach, a therapist, a counselor, a manager, a professional short order cook and a laundress, to name a few titles!
At times I wished for the time to go by quicker! I wanted them to be grown up and out of the house and guess what? That time is here and I don’t like it! I want them to need me because I am lost!!!! I feel sad and empty…. I mean to be fair, I just married a man that I adore and can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with, but I am still crying. Can anyone relate?
All of these things that are going on are good, but it is change and who likes change? Not this big of a change, it is scary!!!! So, I called and found a puppy, that is the answer, right? I am going to get a puppy that doesn’t talk back but listens and loves me unconditionally… my husband doesn’t agree to this grand idea, so for now I am in a holding pattern.
Bottom line is that I am sober and this part of raising my children has passed and on to the next thing…I am scared! As I tell all of my friends, this too will pass. That fear and faith can’t live in the same space. I have to have faith that my heart will be filled and my days will be filled with a life that I dreamed of…. being happy and content! That is all I want, and it sounds easy but to be completely honest some days are easier than others.
June 13, 2018 is the big day and I’ll be back next week to let you know how I am doing with all of these feelings of the soon to be empty nester!